I tried to go through Annie on My Mind to find quotes that had moved me or made me think, but I couldn’t find many.  It’s not that the book wasn’t a great one or that nothing important happened, but I couldn’t separate the words from the events.  The words were simple, even when the events are large (at least to a high school senior like Liza), so I suppose I relate to the spirit of the story rather than the description of it. 

The thematic expression of being true to one’s own individuality is almost overshadowed by the controversial homosexuality issue, but the whole story struck home with me because this is something that even I, at 27 years old, have yet to master.    The one quote that I remember most was about Liza looking at a tapestry of a unicorn in a circular pen: “Most people seem to notice the flowers more than anything else, but the unicorn looks so disillusioned, so lonely and caged, that I hardly see the flowers at all – but the unicorn’s expression always makes me shiver.” (p. 56).  
Obviously Liza felt caged by something, and I think her thoughts about the headmistress’ expectations of her as student council president explain quite a lot: “Back in September, she’d [Mrs. Poindexter] given me an embarrassing lecture about setting an example and being her ‘good right hand’ and making sure everyone followed ‘both the spirit and the letter’ of the school rules, some of which were a little screwy.” (p. 21).

It doesn’t sound like a lot, but she ends up in a bit of trouble when she is blamed for allowing a girl to continue an “ear-piercing clinic” in the girls’ washroom that she came upon accidentally; she is criticized by several people for socializing with Annie because she was from a rougher neighborhood and school; and she is then demonized because she is caught off campus in a gay relationship.  It isn’t really fair that the good kids, like Liza and Annie, always have to take falls for things other people do with no second glances.
 
In so many ways, I was Liza.  I spent most of my life in a karate studio where my father worked as a program director.  Because the school was prestigious in the martial arts community and my father was well known in the studio environment as well as the city we lived in, I was under constant scrutiny.  Not that this was a bad thing, for the most part, but when it came down to my outside choices and the requirements I had to fulfill in the studio, I could see the discrepancies between what was expected of me and what was expected in the rest of the general population.   I was Mr. --'s daughter, and therefore had to have the proper amount of decorum and be as completely committed to karate as my father was.
 
It was the same for Liza, all because someone else nominated her for student council president and she was elected.  She makes it very clear that this was really not something she wanted, but something that was expected of her, so she did it.  She is the good girl who never said “no”.  And I saw the beginning struggles with this in her early altercations with Mrs. Baxter and Mrs. Poindexter.
 
I could also sympathize with Liza’s developing homosexual relationship with Annie, and her early attempts to reconcile it with the expectations of those around her, and her own expectations of herself.  She tells Annie: “‘It’s not true…that I want to ignore it.  And I’m not going on happily not noticing….It scares me, too, Annie…but not because I think it’s wrong or anything – at least I don’t think it’s that.  It’s mostly because it’s so strong, the love and the friendship and every part of it.’” (p. 121).  Neither one of them is sure of what they are doing, of each other.  But they do know, even if they don’t outright say it (at least until they find the box of books in Ms. Stevenson and Ms. Windmere’s house), that other people would look down on them, try to separate them, or ridicule them.
 
I believe that it is difficult, for anyone not accustomed to the idea, to enter into a homosexual relationship, even if they aren’t at all homophobic.  It struck a chord in me, given a close friend’s similar relationship when we were in college together in upstate NY.  It came down to my friend, Sara, choosing her beliefs or her perceived ideas of the beliefs of others rather than forging ahead with what she wanted with her partner.  I can say with authority that many times society’s expectations and family pressures impede on one’s ability to make rational decisions based on one’s own desires and expectations.  Somehow it becomes difficult to tell the difference.  Liza bucks it; Sara didn’t, even if she was devestated bu the choice she felt she had to make in giving up love for the love of her family.  Liza is thinking, waiting at the trustees’ proceedings, that “…what we did that they all think is wrong, when you pare it all down, was fall in love.” (p. 199).  She knows that she has done nothing wrong by loving Annie; Sara knew that she had done nothing wrong in not loving her partner enough to ride out the difficulties and the choices that come later in a homosexual relationship.  But when the chips were played, Liza stood up, even if it took her a while to get back to a place where she could act on it, and Sara didn’t.  I think that’s probably where my admiration of Liza’s reaction and Annie’s steadfastness plays in.  Sara didn’t have that fortitude, and left the situation when it became too difficult for her to deal with.  Maybe there is no right or wrong choice – only the choice that works for you at that moment.  Sara tells me that she obviously didn’t love her partner enough to deal with the issues that would have arisen.  For her and her partner, it was right.  For Liza and Annie…well, I like the ending just as it is.
 
But it all comes down to expectations and personal strength: our own expectations of us and the expectations of those were care about.  When they are at odds, it takes a certain kind of intuition and strength to know when to subside and when to push forward.  Liza seemed to get it by the end.  As real people, we have to take each set of circumstances as it comes.